Further vs. Farther

I have never been good at sudden change. Or honestly, any slight change at all.

Every morning for as long as I can remember, I write out my to-dos of the day, even if there is nothing “to do” I usually have some hours of my day planned out with mundane tasks to keep me from doing nothing. And usually that list looks the same.

So when I went through 3 significant changes following graduating, my body was quite literally in flight or fight mode. And I won’t lie and say that it still isn’t.

I’ve been trying to trace this discomfort with change back to some origin point in my life, but I’m not sure there is one. I’m just always someone who has their days, weeks, and months planned out. Someone who likes knowing what comes next. Someone who doesn’t love surprises-not because I hate fun, but because it’s such a shock to my system. It’s not that I freak out anytime something big or small, good or bad happens, it’s just that it takes me a second to readjust.

The best way to describe this would be my life these past 4 years in the bubble I call college. I knew that every October was fall break, every Thursday night we’d go out, and every Sunday resulted in our entire sorority sitting in our house for chapter. I don’t know if it’s just because I lived in a 4-year cycle of constantly knowing what the future would bring, how my night would end, or what grade I’d most likely get in that class, but nothing was a big question mark. Except for the occasional question of: who would I bring to date nights (lol). I really had a routine and balance, and I loved it. I was comfortable. Maybe a little too comfortable, but that was my normal, and that’s what I learned to accept and love and seek comfort in. Those people I was always around, the events I’d be going to, and even the people I’d casually run into on my way home from class every Tuesday and Thursday post punk-rock. (it was usually the same people because thats the thing about college; you’re all for the most part on the same schedule- give or take.)

Graduating meant losing that bubble. Moving back home meant popping it entirely. And the physical distance from those in my life slowly made it harder to picture what that bubble looked like to begin with.

The people I saw every day were no longer just a hallway away (quite literally because I was so fortunate to live with and across from my best friends). They were farther-miles and cities apart. And we were all drifting, slowly, further-into new jobs, new lives, new versions of ourselves.

And in the stillness that followed post-grad, that distinction between farther and further has really been sitting with me.

Being farther from someone is physical. It’s miles and cities and states. It’s being in a location from your best friends. But being further from someone is emotional. Being further from someone isn’t something you can see,it’s something you feel. It’s not having those post going-out morning debriefs that used to set the tone for your Saturday. It’s texting an inside joke and realizing it doesn’t land the same without their laugh on the other end. To me those two words aren’t just the space between two places, but the space between two versions of your life.

The more I think about it, the more I realize that distance of any kind isn’t always a loss.

Sometimes it’s a challenge. It’s emotional and spiritual. Because when someone isn’t just a 2 minute walk away, when their voice isn't background noise when you’re studying, staying in touch becomes a choice. A commitment. And when you do finally see each other again, it makes that time you have even more precious.

In showing up for the people you care about, even when life feels messy and unfamiliar, it proves that that connection doesn’t have to look the same to still be real. That friendship can shift and stretch and still be there. That love can change shape and still mean just as much.

Because life is so uncontrollable. And maybe that’s not something to resist. Maybe it’s something to make space for.

There’s a calm kind of beauty in realizing that nothing stays the same forever. People drift. They grow. They come back. Sometimes things fall apart to make room for something new. And maybe farther and further aren’t always signs of losing something,maybe they’re just part of finding what comes next.

So yeah, I’ve never been good at change. But I’m learning that change, even when it’s uncomfortable and unclear, can still be good and also worth it (I hope).