Going through the motions
Blaming it on the fact that I’m a taurus instead of the endless other reasons, but change is not easy.
I thought I could wallow my way into my sophomore year of college and get totally acclimated to college life easily.
Instead, the first 3 weeks have been filled with highs and lows and some mental breakdowns.
I’m struggling majorly, but that’s ok.
I remember being in 6th grade and all I ever did was watch movies where people were in college. Legally Blonde, Pitch Perfect, The Waterboy & my personal favorite, Sydney White.
I expected college to be this earth-shattering and life-altering experience of independence and fun.
And it is. It definitely is.
But also
College is literally a simulation.
I said it. It really is though.
25,000 kids going to the same place to try and figure out what they want to do when they’re out of this bubble of frat parties, darties, sylly week and dorm life in four years.
I genuinely thought college wasn’t for me my first semester of freshman year.
I tried so hard to get this acceptance and here I had it and was where I’d dreamt of being for years and I hated it.
Like actually hated it.
Honestly if you asked me right now if college was for me I don’t even know what I’d say.
Yes but no.
I’ve always been a social person and didn’t really understand the concept of a social battery until college happened.
But at the same time, alone time in college is so much different than alone time at home.
I wrote a whole post on how being alone is great and it’s this amazing skill I conquered and then I got back to school this year and every time I have alone time I find myself struggling with it all over again.
It’s like alone time feels so much more alone at school. Wrong even.
I don’t really have any words on how to navigate it because I’m still trying to figure it out myself, but I know everything just takes time.
Speaking of time. All of a sudden you think you have this set routine and schedule and then you’re being texted to go to a darty at 4pm or your making a last minute target trip.
There’s just nothing set in stone about college. And I love that but also the organizational side of me freaks out a little bit.
I’ve learned to truly try and go to everything. Whether its that probably once in a lifetime sunset to sunrise frat party, or attending the cool speaker for the club you’re in, or going 20 minutes away to a restaurant literally in the middle of a corn field.
Just do it. And do it with every ounce you have left in you.
Because you never know the people that you’ll meet or the core memory you'll create. And just because you had written in your planner that you wanted to get ahead on that PR paper due later in the week, it can wait.
Like don’t push it off so far it’s late but everything can wait. You’re truly on YOUR time in college and that’s something that probably won’t be said post college simulation.
I’m sitting here writing this in my closet-sized dorm room we thought would be huge and realizing that this is just what college is.
Endless change. Whether hard or easy, it’s always going through the motions.
Always leading you one way and than completely throwing you for a loop and that’s just the beauty of this crazy four-year adventure called college.
I’m trying to appreciate the change, the lows, and the highs because when will life be this busy and full of all these feelings and experiences again?
I’m realizing you don’t always have to adapt to change. Because that’s just not how it’s going to be every time. Right now I’m in this weird period of trying to adjust to “college life” but I’m being thrown so many things.
I just keep telling myself why am I trying to adapt? I’m going to adapt when the time is right so why force something to “work”?
I’m just letting it happen.
Letting life move and realizing that even change doesn’t have a set schedule.
Telling myself that I’m lucky enough to even be able to experience change and this four year simulation and period of growth and confusion.
Because one day I know I’ll be begging for these days and feelings back.
-Heather <3